i’m not sure why i can’t get over this. i like to think its the confusion of the situation, but i don’t think that’s really it. i miss my best friend and i’m hoping to god you don’t hate me. 

and that will just keep holding me back.

for now. 

?

-watch all eminem videos available 

-make knitting website for selling goods

-read all the books on my shelf

-continue with piano

-grow a pair

…

can that last one stay on the list? lol

the way you loved me. that crazy feeling of just incessant loving and caring. not in some creepy way or anything, it was just like, i knew you cared. always. you never let me down. 

ever.

now just come back

i hate when u drink a lot and look at me like im gonna be impressed.

yeah, im souped, keep addin to that beer gut.

hotty. 

and its hard to breathe. my heart beats faster and i know everyone around me can see the pain on my face, if they looked anyway. i’m nauseous , i miss you, and i want to talk to you. i dont know how much longer i can wait. i dont know if i’m waiting, or just getting used to the idea that there may be nothing to wait for. 

- i hate pity partiers. what do you gain from learning how to play that tiny violin? 

- i hate people who say that they get taken advantage of for being nice. you’re not being nice if you’re harboring resentment, you’re just not standing up for yourself and you probably have low self confidence and think people will only like you if you act that way. there’s a difference.

-i hate people who constantly feel the need for attention. 

- i hate complainers.

-i hate that i complain. i hate that i let others beat me. i hate my stubbornness. i hate how i lie to myself. i hate my self doubt. i hate the way i take complements or thanks. i hate what i let stand in my way. i hate my fear. i hate that i might not change. 

i love that i know i will. 

but i think about you all the time. once a day, at least, you cross my mind and my insides tear like i ate a paper shredder. 
(yes, a paper shredder, i did just use that lol. )

its like taylor swift if just fucking following me around, reminding me over and over again that you’re missing from my life. i’m numb to gaming reminders, thank god cuz thats everywhere, but im thinking talyor will never stop. 

can you just realize that my friendship is better than nothing save us this year andcome back already?

please?

If you see sex as something special you want to share with someone you really like, or love, and as a big decision to make in your life, the longer you hold on to your virginity the more the concept of sex gets built up in your mind.

Between Catholic schooling and all the hype, when you finally decide to give it to someone it’s surprising to discover it’s not really a big deal.

No sirens sound upon entry, lights aren’t flashing, angels aren’t crying over the loss and the firey gates of hell haven’t swung open in accordance with the newest arrival. Just penis, in vagina. And then its over and your still the same person and you’re left wondering why you held on to it for so long when, in reality, thats all it is.

Penis in vagina.